Hope

Where The Heart Is.

…For the things that are seen are transient,
but the things that are unseen are eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:18

 

 

HOME: noun – 1. the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household.

I have dreamed (i.e. obsessed) over owning a home to make fully mine since brass daybeds were popular.  The first house we bought as newlyweds, was just outside of D.C..  A brand new condo that my parents HGTV powerhouse decorated with Stephen and me in one insane weekend.  I’m not talking simple curtains and soft furnishings either, but wall paper and faux paint.  And it was incredible.

Then, not 6 months later, I packed everything up in free beer distributor boxes and we walked away from our home in order to live in Germany for the following 4,835 days (but, really, who’s counting?).  All the while, renting other people’s houses with their Ikea kitchen designs and their choice in sea green carpeting.

However, undeterred, with my bag-o-tricks in hand, over and over, we managed to make those rentals into something lovely and welcoming.  Still, I struggled (greatly) with being quietly patient on the topic… biding my time… daydreaming about spaces where I could choose faucets, crown molding and bathroom vanities.

And now I, finally, can.

This week we put a contract on a 100 year old beautifully restored Edwardian.  It is literally one parallel street away from the address where, in all the world, I’ve wanted most to live.  And while we’re discussing load-bearing beams and marble countertops, I float above myself and take in the moment.  This is actually happening.  And I know God’s hand is in it.

So, I should be dancing in the “emergency flood warning” streets of a, currently, very rainy Pittsburgh.  But I’m not.  Dreams are coming true, but, somehow I feel increasingly lost.

And then…

I attended a concert, where the entire event might as well have been planned just for me, the Father took my hand to show me why I’m still so desperate.  In one of the sweetest atmospheres of quiet worship I’ve ever stood, the hauntingly powerful and effortlessly layered voice of Jason Upton began to sing on repeat….

This is my home,
This is my home,
To be with you,
To be with you,
Father, this is my home.

As I stood there, chains that have unknowingly bound me, slipped to the ground.  I understood that nothing… no country, no dirt or stone foundation… will ever fill my need to be home.  Bricks and mortar, subway tiles and chevron patterns create a place for me, but THIS is not my home – this is the “transient”.  While what we long for is the “eternal” gift in the unseen.  (2 Cor 4:18)

Friends, the place you live is not your home.  From a heartbreaking street-side cardboard bed, all the way up to a penthouse in Manhattan, we are wired for more.  And our desire for satisfaction causes our fists to, all at once, clamp around the things we simply can’t stand to loose, while we simultaneously reach for the things we’re desperate to acquire.  Nothing satisfies.  We perpetually dream of something better.

It’s nearly cliche, the richest people in the world admitting what they have is not enough.  There’s always a bigger, better jet on someone else’s personal runway.  And while the average Joe’s of the world live a life that daily affirms this need for more, we still stand convinced that the top 0.1% are lying to us.  We know we’d be happy in their shoes.

While nothing seen can replace the promise of the eternal, we just keep trying to prove God wrong.  We manipulate the gifts that come from the maker to replace the maker Himself.  Then we wonder why we come up empty.

I found a house.  It’s not a small thing, and I know the Father picked this plot on earth for me.  I am mind-numbingly grateful.  Will I use it for His purposes?  To the best of my ability.  Will my family have days of great victory and days of great refining banked inside the safety of its walls?  Absolutely.  But my satisfaction will not reside in the furniture I buy to fill it.  My need for something greater will not be filled with new accent lighting.

Not Ever.

My Home is, in fact, right where my heart is.  Father, it is with you, the author and finisher of our faith in all that is yet unseen.

This is my home… To be with you, To BE WITH YOU… THIS IS MY HOME.


The song that brought it “Home” for me:

 

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  • Candace June 30, 2015 at 12:19 am

    I have a feeling I am just at the beginning of MY 4835+ days so this is a great reminder! Rent or bust! Congratulations on your new home!

  • Charlotte Goebel June 30, 2015 at 7:01 am

    Heather, you are wise beyond your years. I am always blessed by your blog and look forward to it. Keep writing! <3

  • Laura Navarro June 30, 2015 at 1:11 pm

    This is so true! Have you heard Carrie Underwood’s song, “Temporary Home?” It’s beautiful and goes right with what you are writing about here. It’s crazy how this blog oftentimes fits right into my life. I was struggling this week with something of my own and when I received the Eucharist in mass, I felt Jesus say to me, “stay the course and you will be with me in heaven.” Although my struggle had nothing to do with actual house hunting, I received that affirmation that I have to make the most out of being here on earth and continue to do everything I can to get to heaven. Congratulations on your new house! That is so exciting!