Hope

Somedays We Cry.

And to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Ephesians 3:19 (NIV)

 

The pillow propping my back is wet and covered with a muddy mix of mascara and eyeshadow.  Tide Stain Sticks will be a friend to my bed sheets today.  That one bully of a tear hatched an escape plan, and once she got out the whole followed the leader.  I’ve been crying ever since.  This dam is broken.

My heart got crushed today.

I was threadbare with exhaustion before the criticism came, and by the time I digested those words, this fragile frame was primed for collapse.  So that’s what I did… but not before making it home to my quiet bedroom in the nick of time.

I like to think I’m a strong girl… capable of healthy growth through criticism balanced in the confidence of how far I’ve come.  But I’m not most of those things most of the time.

See, at my core, loving on and pouring into others is my ministry.  And I have the honor of doing so across a calico of people in my life.  The platform is varied, but the means is always the same: I’m an encourager.  It’s my language.  It comes naturally, fluidly:  I. pour. out.

Sometimes we have to dig deep to find the positive to highlight in someone.  But it’s that synergistic mix of truth and encouragement that resonates and, therefore, has transforming power.  Let’s be honest, most of us could use a better cheering squad.  Where our efforts are SEEN, where our personalities are CELEBRATED, where our hearts are ADORED; our new hairstyle, COMPLIMENTED 😉 …. it motivates that spring in our step in a way little else can.

I’m in a season where I’m working harder than ever.  Pulled in more directions than before.  A manicure on these worn out hands might as well be a rainbow unicorn.  And I’m at empty.

Have you ever stopped to think, we tend to give what we require?

In my case, encouragement.  We love people the way we desire to be loved.  We gift what we want wrapped up for ourselves.  It’s in our nature.  And when replenishments aren’t coming in at the pace at which we’re doling out  reserves, our ability to feel loved and valued can run dangerously low.

Because people fail us.  Oh my, all the time.  From the say, what(!?) moments to the ones that leave our jaw on the floor.  You might have seen it coming from a mile away or been blindsided by the sucker punch.  But it’s the dependable truth, people will fail us.  People who love us, people who won’t, people who are paying attention, people who don’t.

Today, the color palette of my pillow exposes the truth of where I’ve placed my confidence.  The reality is that I have not been loved well in this season, my tank a rolling tumbleweed.  But as entitled as I feel licking my wounds and holding onto this hurt, I am reminded by My Father there is room on this pillow for neither excuses nor the words that cut so deep.

Our supply can not be located in this broke-down-stop-off of a world we live in.  Those people who fail us?  Yeah, we fail them too.  And the gaping hole we spend so much time trying to fill with nuggets that can rarely speak life to our highly individualized hearts?  Those snickers just won’t satisfy.

Our SOURCE is not our spouse, not our kids, not our boss, not our friends, not our Instagram, not our ministry.  Our source?:

“[That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]!” Ephesians 3:19 (AMP)

It’s taken 26 hours for the words of my Father to find a heart capable of receiving HIM.  Volumes of tears to remember that with one simple ask, I can be WHOLLY FILLED AND FLOODED with God Himself.  I’ll sit here for a moment, frozen and stilled, lest a drop escape my soul.

We have all found ourselves buried in our “pillows” from time to time, and I’m thinking someone else out there might value a gentle encouragement (it’s what I do, after all)…  Your Father’s got this.  He’s got YOU — FILLED.  Let Him rise in your dry places like a flood of cool quenching water.  Let Him satisfy the longings of a heart He designed.

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  • Crystal February 22, 2016 at 8:07 pm

    This was amazing and preached directly to my soul!! Your message and encouragement couldn’t be more perfectly timed or more well written. Picking my head up off the pillow, wiping my eyes and embracing and rejoicing in the scripture and truth you shared. ☺️ Thank you!!

    • Heather Yoder February 24, 2016 at 11:37 pm

      How are you feeling today, Crystal? =) I’ll tell you what, I was all puffy from those tears, beat down and messed straight-up. But as the truth of Ephesians 3:19 settled in… well, for the life of me, I can’t even understand what I was so upset about to begin with. THAT is good good Father. I hope you’re feeling better too.

  • Candace February 22, 2016 at 8:44 pm

    You did it again. Love you. I’m so sorry you are feeling so empty and poured out. I know the feeling far too well. You know that scene in Mom’s Night Out? Where the biker dude is talking about the eagle just doing what God made it to do? (If you haven’t seen it, you must!) I go back to that in my mind so many days that I feel alone and poured out and empty. All these extra things we try to do for others seems wasted some days and I just want to be a mom and a wife and a lover of Jesus. (And a hermit, but we won’t talk about that) Hang in there. I think you are an amazing encourager. You encourage me every time you write and I had been missing you.

    • Heather Yoder February 24, 2016 at 11:43 pm

      Firstly, I have not seen Mom’s Night Out and, I agree, it is a travesty. I need to deal with that pronto. Secondly, I also like the hermit idea. Perhaps doing it with another hermit sometimes ;). And, you know, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how we sit in guilt over just about everything. “Too much of that at the expense of this” kind of stuff. I’m desperate to understand how it’s supposed to look, but if we’re doing what God put on our heart or in our path, it can’t be at the expense of the rest of the things He’s given us to do. Somehow, someway, He’ll be faithful to it all. Now, mind you, this is a working theory, but one, I’m pretty sure the Bible can get behind. Question is: Can we? I’m thinking thru it! Lastly, thank you for being a faithful friend who tunes in. Makes me so happy to think about sharing a computer screen with you. <3

  • Cass February 22, 2016 at 11:37 pm

    Do I need to send Jim to “chat” with someone?

    • Heather Yoder February 24, 2016 at 11:34 pm

      It wouldn’t be the first time. =)

  • Stephanie February 23, 2016 at 8:08 am

    Wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing with such courage and vulnerability. You gifts to us through God are so precious.

    • Heather Yoder February 24, 2016 at 11:44 pm

      It’s an honor to have you read those words. And thank YOU for the encouragement ;).

  • themodernladyofficial February 23, 2016 at 9:45 am

    My dear friend Heather… How much I so love your heart. You’re constantly working and striving for greatness in all that you do, from the perfectly crafted details of your shadyside home tailored to perfection for each of your loved ones…to your generous bible study meetings that I have yet to attend, but assume are filled with love and the deepest meaning of life I am trying to learn myself. You are a guiding light. And it gives you great thrill to share that light with everyone you meet. You’re a remarkable lady. You asked, now please accept my encouraging words…you’re brilliant! Your empathy towards humanity and vulnerability give your words authenticity, often reaching others at the perfect moment. Thank you for sharing that gift. You’ve found your calling, and it’s refreshing to watch it grow it into something otherworldly. This blog continues to transcend. Thank you for another well written post! Your writing is fanominal.

    With nothing but love,

    Your fan 🙂

    • Heather Yoder February 24, 2016 at 11:48 pm

      Dear Modern Lady… You know, you should be a writer (wink). THANK YOU for all of that. Like balm to my soul, you are. I love friends who route for one another, which makes me grateful to have someone like you in my corner. You know I stand squarely in yours, as well. The power of words, of interactions, of brands, of FAITH. Something you and I are learning a lot about these recent years. I love to process with you. And I’m honored you stopped by today, friend.

  • Tordny February 23, 2016 at 2:48 pm

    You remind us of how lucky we are to have a God who caters for us in every way! Thank you for that reminder!

    Love and hugs from Tordny

    • Heather Yoder February 24, 2016 at 11:50 pm

      Love and hugs right back to you! And I’ve been in regular reminder mode on how well God caters to us – ever since I pulled my butt off the floor and started letting Him do it! (Btw, I hear awesome things about Starnberg Fellowship … looks like He’s been faithful to your heart, your seeds too. <3 )

  • sharlacrm February 29, 2016 at 2:09 pm

    Good one Barnabus!…from one to another…Be encouraged today!
    (P.S. Sharing with my FB friends!)
    May the “Giver” rise up and encourage your heart today big-time!