Obedience

Stand Back. I Feel Like Throwing Something.

Therefore let us move beyond the elementary teachings about Christ and be taken forward to maturity… (Even when it hurts)

Hebrews 6:1

Even when it hurts – à la Heather

 

It was the exact moment I’ve been WAITING for.  Nearly convinced it would never come, certain I wouldn’t make it here, I had a blissful intake of the “I’ve finally arrived” air around me.

And then I started throwing things…

But, lest you think I’ve lost my pretty little mind, let’s back up a few.

We’ll go ahead and fast forward through the tough week though – a miscarriage, an overload of hard goodbyes, and the outbound phase of a massive move now behind me.  Things officially started new with a 5am wake-up call.  Steve and I swept the children from their final night of sleeping–on their Munich bedroom floors–and this little family hopped in our car to drive 26 LONG hours to Spain.  I kept calling it “The Adventure”.  After all, we were hitting some Fab-O destinations on the way, making it our final (current) hurrah in Europe.

We’d decided that spending 6 weeks in our house on the Coast was a good reason to pack the car with our beloved coffee maker, juicer, vacuum cleaner (plus every other European electronic we can’t take to the US) and head – All Beverly Hillbilly style – to our Spanish oasis.

Little did we know…

Three short hours in, our car decided to dauntingly ding with a message that, loosely translated, said “The likelihood of this auto making it to your final destination is slim to none.”  Fabulous.  We held our breath – for 5 days.

The first scheduled stop was the Italian Riviera.  Visiting a bucket list destination of mine, Cinque Terre (The 5 Lands), we drove out of our way for the beginning adventure moment.  But lovely hotels are hard to come by in this region. Ours was clean (thank God), but, let’s be clear, I wasn’t taking any instagram pictures to share with the world.  No filter could romanticize that square footage.

The stop-over, however, was beautiful.  Unfortunately, it was also uncharacteristically cold and very rainy.  The bigger problem was, I hadn’t calmed down yet from the previous week of insanity so I was “tightly wound”, and when mom is tightly wound the family follows suit.  By the time I’d settled in, it was time to hit the road again.

The next destination was the French Riviera.  A business friend of Stephen’s had graciously invited our family to join his family during their final night in their San Tropez home.  In fairness, Steve did warn me, these people were in a league I hadn’t been exposed to quite yet.

Um, no freaking kidding….

About 10 minutes out, I changed my clothes on the side of the road, as my intended outfit now sported an African shaped latte stain down the front.  Upon arrival, I had my first real-life Downton Abby moment.  The staff were – literally – lined and waiting in front of the most beautiful home I’ve ever seen.  The butler (yup) opened my car door and was nearly landslided by Brenner’s train themed pillow and plush dinosaur blanket which I’d been borrowing for my car napping.  We poured into the courtyard while pushing toys, bags, and vacuum cleaner hoses back into our car.  The staff grabbed our luggage, and, in the 5 minutes it took for me to realize I’d left my phone in the car, the stubborn bug guts were already being washed off by the grounds keeper.

Because I’m told it’s not polite to share the details of someone else’s fortune, you can trust me when I tell you, the nearness of my perpetually filled glass of Rosé Champagne was the only thing that kept my jaw from hitting the ground.  And this family was amazingly kind and endlessly generous to boot.

We had one blissful night and then piled back into our (at least, now clean) car with 16 hours still to go and no planned place to sleep for the night.  “The Adventure” was one of extremes, to say the least.

I sat quiet for most of those miles.  I’m not sure about you, but exposure to a lifestyle so beyond your own is a lot to take in.  I teetered between garden variety fits of jealousy, dreaming, and frustration.  Comparison is the thief of much more than joy.

And, yes, I get it….While driving to our Spanish Villa for a 6-week holiday, I was mad at God for how little I have.  Don’t be so quick to judge.  When is the last time you sat fully content in the luxury of your own circumstances?  And before you point a finger, be warned, that’s how I got myself into this fine mess in the first place.

Moving along.

We survived the next day and a half and drove up our mountain with one kid snoring and the other giggling/crying that he could finally get out of this car for good.  We were:

HOME.

The only one we have currently, albeit without staff to greet us.

Ten trips from the car, unpacking, grocery shopping, and settling ourselves into the villa later — By the next afternoon, I was finally – F.I.N.A.L.L.Y. – ready for MY moment.

Pool open, sun shining, kids happy, drink in hand, I laid down on my lounge chair with a book and drank in the accomplishment.

Time. to. rest.

How is it that after 37 years, 10 months, and 19 days I still don’t know myself?  Never get too comfortable, Heather Lynn.  Never.

Mind you, I’d spent the last two years reading no book aside from the Bible.  It was a challenge from the Father that I was initially reluctant to accept, but, ultimately, loved so much that I now wondered if I’d want to read anything else again.

The thing is, lately, I’ve been told by a variety of sources that I remind people of a lady named Jen Hatmaker.  I don’t know her, even had her confused with an old University classmate.  But when one of my closest friends brought me a book of hers and told me she was, “Certain that ‘Hatmaker’ was my ghost name, since I simply had to have written this book she’d recently fallen in love with”… well, I decided it was time to put down the book of John and read something from the book of Jen.

With my favorite pool playlist in the background, I opened myself to Hatmakers words in her book “7 – An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess”.

I made it half-way through page 2, stood up from my blessed moment, and shamelessly threw the book off the balcony.

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The little white thing by the table…

God is doing it AGAIN.

I’m not three minutes into my comfort zone, and I already know the Father well enough to hear that this next season is going to rock my already rocked world.  He’s upping the game.  What He’s asking of me will probably hurt – a lot. But I’m just not a half-way kind of girl.  When He teaches me something, He always encourages me to do it head first.

Sacrifice.  Real, true, basic, full-on SACRIFICE.  And it’s going to come through some old-school style stretching.

By page two, I already knew it.  God is waking the church up.  He’s waking me up with it.  We aren’t lost just yet, but now is the time to prove we can still be a bride worthy of rescuing.

A day later, I retrieved the book, pulled some air deep into my chest, and read on.  It’s a good thing I’d made the throw at page two, considering if I’d read on to page three, I would have probably burned it.  This lady, however itsy bitsy I know of her, is a lot like me (or I’m a lot like her).  I have no idea what ride she’s about to share with me, but I have a feeling I won’t be a bystander.  God is gearing me up for the next hard that will inevitably become the next great.

I asked for this.  I haven’t forgotten that detail.  I asked Him to change and then use me.  And that’s exactly what He’s planning to do – all over again.

I hate to start a “conversation” like this and then make you wait a week before I clarify the plan, but well, I guess that’s what I’m doing.  1400 words is, statistically, already more than most of you have time for ;).  I’ll leave you with a “to be continued” and maybe these “7” days will give me the time needed to get my brain around it myself.

You can walk this next path with me if you like, but I recommend printing my blogs from this point forward. Throwing your computer is a very expensive habit to start.  (Because you know you won’t end up a mere bystander either…we never really are.)

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  • Karen Bland April 27, 2015 at 10:53 am

    I had to laugh, most of us are green with envy at you’re lifestyle!! (Though not all the pain!:) wouldn’t wish that on anyone ! though we most of us have our own to contend with and break us and change us and mature us! At least we hope it has!!
    Love you’re honesty Heather xxx

    • Heather Yoder April 27, 2015 at 1:57 pm

      Karen, come on over and let’s walk a mile together. We could learn a lot from one another. And, as you perfectly said, we’re each contending with the “breaking” and “changing” — always a good time (which I say with both full sarcasm and complete seriousness).

  • Tricia Menges April 27, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    I’m not sure how you do it, but I when I read your work, I can see it happening. From the Beverly Hillbilly’s packed car to the butler opening your door with vacuum hoses flying out. My sweet, sweet daughter, Mondays have turned into something I anticipate like a kid on Christmas Eve. Unable to wait, I got up in the middle of the night last to see if it had posted. But, like Christmas morning, I had to wait until the sun peeked into my room. However, when it arrived, I hung on every word! I can’t wait for part two.

    • Heather Yoder April 27, 2015 at 1:55 pm

      Love that you woke up in the middle of the night to read… I’m waking up a wee bit later than normal (ignoring the 8am POUNDING wake-up call of the new house being constructed beside us). I think it’s amazing that you hang on my words, since I’ve been hanging on yours my whole life. Love you, Mom!

    • Heather Yoder April 27, 2015 at 2:00 pm

      Oh, and btw, mom, don’t be so anxious for next week… I might be living with you indefinitely.

      • Tricia Menges April 28, 2015 at 1:55 am

        Bring it on…. (I’ll need to order more wine though!) smile

  • Kelly April 27, 2015 at 1:48 pm

    Your honesty with yourself and those around you , is fantastic! I love how you argue with the Father by tossing the book! It makes me realize I am not the only one who wrestles with God in this forthright manner! Cannot wait for part two! PS God gave me Rachel to lead me to conviction. She read that book- but I really do not want to!

    • Heather Yoder April 27, 2015 at 1:52 pm

      Kelly, your daughter is PRECISELY the reason I’m in this mess. She’s the “good friend” that brought it to me. I hold her, and I guess, ultimately, YOU responsible 😉 Read it, you have an adventure all your own already in the making, might as well shake it up with something fully unexpected.

  • Erica April 27, 2015 at 2:14 pm

    I love the way you just kept us “hanging in the balance”! Transformation through obedience…I’m learning it is a beautiful gift from our Father but often hurts. A lot. I’m encouraged by your journey and now might pick up this book. Maybe.

    • Heather Yoder April 27, 2015 at 8:58 pm

      Maybe. =) Well, from what I know of you, beautiful Erica, you do many of these principles naturally. Transformation through obedience is hard, but WAY better than transforming through disobedience. I’ve tried both varieties. I’d rather kick and scream with the kind I agree on. I think, when beginning a new season, it’s almost tragic to not expect a surprise derail thrown in there. But (secretly) I love that about the Father. He keeps things exciting.

  • Amy April 27, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    Love that honesty and vulnerability! And don’t give up on 7…I read it several years back and I still often find myself thinking about the chapter where she really nailed my inner conflict…the one where she gives herself many names…the earthy gluten-free goddess, the frugal spendthrift, the buy-local crusader, the justice warrior, etc etc. To summarize (albeit poorly): You can’t carry the banner for supporting local everything and then also carry the banner for spending only $10/week on groceries because buying only local often just costs more than that, the end. You can’t carry the social justice banner and also carry the banner for low-cost living because you’re buying goods made from slave labor. It’s such a crazy, crazy cycle. In any event…you think 7 is world-rocking? Stay away from pairing it with a side of Interrupted. Lawdamercy. (And seriously…can’t you open a private-access blog page to tell us all about the Estate you guys stayed at??? You know we want all the details!!!!! No names, just details!!!)

    • Heather Yoder April 27, 2015 at 8:54 pm

      Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’re 10 steps ahead – been there done that. BUT what I really want to say, is THANKS for not sharing your journey with me sooner (It gave me a little more time to be indulgently me). And I won’t be reading interrupted (why would I do that?). Don’t need ANY more of THAT stuff in my tiny occupancy on this earth.

      But, really, between you and me, that stop-over with the people I can’t talk about, well, it afforded me some private time with Picasso. Seriously.

      I like you so much, btw, you’re just one the cool girls I’ll always watch and admire.

  • jtbellard April 27, 2015 at 3:16 pm

    Love it! Thanks for being so vulnerable and honest about the way you are seeking to continually be sharpened. LOVE that about you. And now that book is in my “cart”… yikes.. do I want to “proceed to checkout”?! 🙂

    • Heather Yoder April 27, 2015 at 8:48 pm

      As your friend I’m screaming TAKE IT OUT OF YOUR CART. As a fellow unabashed follower of a Father that asks us to do the most insane of the insane (as our everyday LIVES), yeah – you better go head and proceed. No doubt your life is boring at the moment anyway (as freaking if).

  • Rachel April 27, 2015 at 4:16 pm

    I’m all in. And I will print the blogs until Jen Hatmaker guilts me (for a second time) into being more green. 😉

    • Heather Yoder April 27, 2015 at 8:45 pm

      Well, this is ALL YOUR FAULT, after all. You’d better be in. If I had a council, you’d be on it (the comic relief with witty one liners that I couldn’t come up with if I had a week to plan). I love you, my darling. And I love that you cared enough to share this with me. Perhaps the next thing you think would be “just perfect” in my life will be less throwable. You know, just a thought.

  • Candace Silvey April 27, 2015 at 4:30 pm

    Reading Interrupted now and I had to take a break! I love Jen Hatmaker but she’s rocking my world right now! Love reading you Blog, Heather!

    • Heather Yoder April 27, 2015 at 8:43 pm

      Candace, I will not read Interrupted (cue repeat in my head 10x’s). A girl can only take so much… but then you know, I’m a gluten for reform. Love that you are being challenged by Ms. Hatmaker and love that you still stop by here in the madness of your wonderfully full life, my friend.

      • Candace Silvey April 27, 2015 at 10:59 pm

        Have you seen her show? On HGTV? I think it is on Netflix now. It is hard for me to take her seriously (especially hard for John with the idea of excess) when their show doesnt really portray minimalism. Check it out. Not saying her ideas and writing are wrong. I believe it is annointed (most days) but you get the idea….

        • Heather Yoder April 28, 2015 at 9:47 am

          Have not seen the show, not surprise one exists thought. I’m going to touch on this next week (perhaps, my head is all over the stinking place right now), but I’m not interested in copying Jen – or anyone else, for that matter. Scripture is still my source and my stabilizer. Part of being a “family” is learning from/with one another and the Lord def. used her words to underscore some I’d been feeling without much success on how to handle. SO, we shall see!! And I’m still thinking no TV when I get to the US. It’s that dang HGTV that will leave me mourning though. =)

  • Kathijo April 27, 2015 at 7:17 pm

    Heather, I’ve had the privilege of knowing about you since you were just about learning how to write. You are a gifted writer and while I know we’re not supposed to be, I’m a wee bit jealous. I enjoy writing as well. Your stories are always humorous, insightful, transparent, vulnerable and painful. Thank you for being willing to expose yourself to the world in order to honor and delight our FATHER. I just know that when HE looks at you HE lovingly smiles and then bursts into belly-busting laughter. You and your gift of communication and story-telling invites all of us to join the Party (which includes the prep-work, the party and the clean-up). Pain-Pleasure, In GOD, all is well. All is well. Even when it doesn’t seem so… Bless you.

    • Heather Yoder April 27, 2015 at 8:40 pm

      Dearest Kathijo, you also had the rare opportunity of watching my 12 yr old awkward self manage a big old crush on your son. 😉 You have been in my life for a wonderfully long time. And everything you said is great (resounding) truth… because when there’s a party there IS always a prep and clean-up, and God is in the pain and pleasure of those details (He does His best work there, I think). I’m honored you read what this (still awkward) little lady puts out there. You are a gifted writer yourself, it’s a great privilege for me to welcome you here.

  • Dottie April 28, 2015 at 6:00 am

    I read about the miscarriage. Hoping it wasn’t you. Will be praying for you and all the trip and vacation in Spain.
    Love you all, hugs and Kisses to all.

  • Dottie April 28, 2015 at 6:04 am

    You are a special lady. You have a great wonderful heart and inspiration to me.
    Love ya.

  • Seed Sower Sis May 1, 2015 at 5:32 pm

    House #11
    come on tell the truth