Hope Obedience Prayer

The Power of a Painful Present

My Sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit.
A broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.
Psalm 51:17

 

I’m hiding.

I’ve typed and deleted that phrase about four times.

Obviously, I don’t really want anyone to know I’m hiding.  It diminishes the point.

Here, in a sleepy Spanish village, with my husband and my two little boys… the proverbial covers are pulled over my head.  As Instagram tends to do, it tells but a portion of the story.  In this case, the fun of sun and family, but, still, the tears come steadily.  I don’t know how I’ll leave this safe house.  Tantrums are easier in private.

I won’t mince words, I’m angry at the Father… oddly, I didn’t delete that phrase even once.  He knows.  We’ve talked (at length).  My heart is aching.  Normally, I feel confident in my ability to deeply trust Him, no matter the path.  After all, He knows me…  All the secret places where I’ve tucked His promises.  All the face-on-the-floor moments when I’ve cried out the many “Whys”.  All the ugly parts I work tirelessly to hide from you, dear reader.  All the beautiful potential waiting for a brave face and a step of faith.  And He knows trusting Him is what I will inevitably do again.  But, right now, I’m taking my minute.  And I’m hiding.

And it’s not pretty.  I’m hurting and confused.  I’ve been thrown a few curve balls recently that have shaken my game.  Out of habit, I find myself talking to God, but I catch myself with a, “Hey, wait… I’m still really mad at you”.  Because sometimes we don’t feel like praising.  In fact, somedays we can barely muster a nod in His direction.  We have all felt alone, cheated, lost, stunned, broken, misunderstood and entitled to our resentment.  From every corner of the earth, there is pain and unthinkable tragedy.  Whether it’s a young woman lost in a sex trafficking nightmare or a shooting in a night club, finding the strength to worship can truly seem impossible.

YET, we’ve been told: “Through Him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name.” Hebrews 13:15

A continual sacrifice of praise?

As a little girl, I used to cheerfully sing ”We bring the sacrifice of praise, into the house of the Lord…” along with a church full of people who also had no idea what they were talking about.  The “Sacrifice of Praise” isn’t easy breezy.  Don’t cheapen the gift.

  • The kind of praise we bring and place at the Father’s feet in the unbearable moments?
  • The worship we offer from the pit of those aching tears?
  • The trust we hand Him when we feel abandoned?

This is the SACRIFICE of praise that holds value – a worth we have dramatically underestimated.

Because this is it.

Right here.

On this earth.

In a heartbeat of a moment, by comparison to our eternity, HERE is where we get to CHOOSE to honor our Father when it’s contrary to our instincts.  Right in the midst of our mess, He knows us so well.  He accepts our pain, our fear, our anger… the natural outpouring from a world where the Father of Lies reigns with a malicious hand.  And when we mix all of that brokenness with our sacrifice of worship, it becomes a unique offering, relating something priceless up to our Father from this aching world.

In heaven, we won’t spend a second mustering up a desire to worship our King.  We will be so compelled to honor Him that the outflow of praise will be all we can do.

  • Heaven is where: “Day and night they never stop saying: ‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,’ who was, and is, and is to come.” Revelation 4:8
  • Heaven is where:  “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have PASSED AWAY.” Revelation 21:4

The “former things” are, in fact, THESE moments when we throw our fists in the air and declare that we are tired and lost, BUT, FATHER, WE WILL PRAISE YOUR NAME STILL.  Here and now is where we fight to to bring THE sacrifice.

As I begin to understand how significant these hard days – the ones where we still choose to love Him – immeasurably mean to the heart of God, it helps me worship my way out of them.  And it makes me believe that there is yet value in this heavy-hearted world.

So whatever meager offering you feel you have today, bring it.  Honor Him with this beautiful sacrifice of praise.  Right now – THIS – is your chance to bring to His throne a most priceless painful present.


 

Time and again I return to this song.  I play it on repeat until I can sing it with the deep conviction of its everlasting truths.  It’s my go-to when I need to remember who He is and who I am in Him.

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  • Erica June 20, 2016 at 9:18 am

    So thankful for a Father who in your words “…accepts our pain, our fear, our anger… the natural outpouring from a world where the Father of Lies reigns with a malicious hand. And when we mix all of that brokenness with our sacrifice of worship, it becomes a unique offering, relating something priceless up to our Father from this aching world.” While the pain is real and tangible, I’m so thankful for his never-ending, grace-filled love that meets us right where we are…scooping us up in His strong arms & holding us closely to His chest so we can hear Him whisper words of love and hope into our ears in the most intimate Fatherly way as He dries our tears.

    • Heather Yoder June 21, 2016 at 4:11 am

      I love what you wrote here, and how timeless it is. He never stops the holding and caring, does He? <3 And beyond your own personal journey, I know that you have seen a lot of pain through your work with women, and have watched God's grace abound. I think what I'm learning today is how valuable it is to use the hard times and choose to praise Him still. It's not about acting simply out of obedience, BUT about what an offering that difficult gift truly is. And when we have seemingly so little to give our Father, it's comforting to know the value of that sacrifice. <3 Thanks for stopping by, friend.

      • Erica June 21, 2016 at 7:16 am

        Thank you for your words. Yes, I know personally the pain of the offering from a broken and disillusioned heart. A heart that at times has wondered if that original lie from Satan “Did God REALLY say that?” in regards to His promises to His children. But through the brokenness, and crying out with clenched fists that eventually lead to falling into a heap of myself at His feet in His presence, to the continual “reveal” of Himself as I read story after story (both Biblical and in real-time today)…I’m convinced that He is present in the pain and in whatever offering we can muster. It’s a continual learning…and surrendering…and trusting. A marathon…not a sprint of a journey.

        • Erica June 21, 2016 at 8:30 am

          And I’m so thankful for your honesty and leading your readers through the journey!

  • Rachel Roby Warren June 20, 2016 at 11:46 am

    Beautiful

    • Heather Yoder June 21, 2016 at 4:16 am

      Thank you. <3 And thank you for taking some time to read with me.

  • April June 20, 2016 at 6:58 pm

    I love this, Heather. Your honesty and rawness finds a good friend in my hiding places. We are going through utter hell right now, and find it hard to seek and praise. It is hard for people in ministry to go through hell because we might appear like we don’t have favor and that our ministry is fake and invalidated. I have always wanted to write a praise song called “Yet.” Taken from Habakkuk: Though the fig tree should not blossom And there be no fruit on the vines, Though the yield of the olive should fail And the fields produce no food, Though the flock should be cut off from the fold And there be no cattle in the stalls, … Yet I will exult in the LORD, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. That transition between how awful it is, and with bloody fingertips sometimes trying to hold on to or turn to the gut wrenching “yet” that my soul whispers to me. Not easy. …I will let you know if I get there. Thanks for sharing. You are an amazing writer!!!! And a TREASURE.

    • Heather Yoder June 21, 2016 at 4:44 am

      Dearest April,

      What is it about Christians who are so certain there should be no difficulty in being a Christian (or generally human, for that matter)? When you work in the ministry you have big ‘ol bullseye on your family. And that’s a brave choice to make out of a desire to follow a call from the Father. We should expect to hold up our ministry leaders because they take one for the team all the time. But can we just get honest with one another for a minute? When I write about harder topics, much like today, many concerned people reach out to me worried. And it blesses my heart, of course, but what I’m thinking is, don’t YOU ever feel this way? Am I really so unique in my struggles? We don’t often talk openly about the vast mix that life throws us. Just take ONE day. How many highs and lows do you have? The enemy is real and ruthless. And the higher we are in our faith, the harder the fall when Satan works tirelessly to swoop that rug from beneath us.

      I’m so sorry that this is a crazy hard time for you and your amazing family. Seriously, you are among the most giving and most talented people I know. And you know your Father very well. There is nothing I can tell you that you haven’t heard. But I will say that I’m in it with you. And I think there is undiscovered value in this offering we – still – bring. I’m not saying God has favorite kids 😉 … but He knows how very hard it is for some laden hearts to carry this sacrifice to his feet. And I think it means something more when we do.

      Keep choosing to praise Him. The YET is surely coming.

      Love,
      Heather

      • April June 21, 2016 at 8:05 pm

        It is comforting to hear. People get REALLY quiet during the trials. I do. That is why I love your writing. You are able to hit on something deep inside, and when you are so very moved to respond, it helps make the bridge to share burdens with others. Thank you for that, Heather. I will always have a glass of wine waiting for you if you ever need a loving caring ear. Until then, know I am with you too!!!

        • Heather Yoder June 22, 2016 at 10:16 am

          I appreciate your saying that, because, I agree, most people do get really quiet (myself included – until the Father asks me to get really public 😉 ). I don’t mind the quiet, but when it means that we end up walking side by side with people who are hurting and we don’t know… And then we’re hurting and they don’t know. Well, it’s such a recipe for disaster. It’s empowering to understand that the enemy is up to the same old tricks in all of us. That we aren’t a lost cause or less capable because we have real pain to sort through and disappointments by the truck loads. We’re the body of Christ, useful for encouragement and correction. It isn’t every man for himself. But, perhaps, more importantly, we don’t need to feel like a lonely failure. Satan’s just tricking us into a deeper pit. So, I’ll take that glass of wine and I’ll certainly take your friendship. Thank you again, for your honest words and your encouragement. I’m honored to have people like you spend time with me here. <3

  • Phyllis Paladin June 21, 2016 at 3:09 pm

    This is where I am living right now in the midst of Larry’s health problems. I am learning to offer a sacrifice of praise. Thanks for this timely, precious encouragement!

    • Heather Yoder June 21, 2016 at 4:05 pm

      Dear Phyllis, The fact that you can write about bringing a “sacrifice of praise” given the battle you, Larry and your family are walking through, ministers to my heart on so many levels. I’m grateful for your example and I’m honored to have been used to encourage you today. I’m standing with you in fervent prayer. ❤️