Buyer’s Remorse.

…You do not belong to yourself,

for God bought you with a high price…

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

 

Good morning, comfy St. Regis bed in Houston, TX.

It’s day 3 of our 4-day mini-break.  A sort of flash celebration in honor of our 15 years of hard fought marital bliss/chaos.  This was meant to be a respite before the insanity of the next chapter begins for our little family.  However, had I known what this day would ultimately become, I might have stayed in bed (eyes pressed shut)… um, forever.

With Steve’s travel schedule at an all-time crazy, I’m managing the purchase of our new home.  The one we finally close on THIS week.  The one I’ve painstakingly sought out, planned, charted… patiently waited for the last thirteen years.

The learning curve has been steep, and my brain won’t shut off.  Lists spin so readily, I wake up at 1 am and just give up on sleep.  This girl has documents to scan, rates to gather, furniture to compare, schools to prepare for, cars to research, and laundry to do.

But today, in a state of slow-motion shock, I realized that I’d forgotten one teeny tiny detail in the midst of all my obsessing.  We’ll need to wire money for the closing costs and down payment (duh).  I know this.  I’ve been working the numbers for months.  However, transferring funds from Germany to America takes time.  Time I now didn’t have.

Facts are, short of God adding a “Newzday, Xtraday, and Cramsday” somewhere in between Monday and Thursday this week, we’re out of luck.  No wire, no closing.  This is not a test, this is the Emergency Broadcasting System sending out legit LOUD BEEPS.  I’m in disaster mode.

My blissful plan for today was to walk through furnitures stores and drink Tex Mex margaritas while Steve caught up on work.  Instead, I’ve spent hours scrambling through my mess and trying not to make eye contact with a husband who would not have made this mistake, had he been in charge.

And this was the straw (that felt more like a 100 yr old oak tree trunk) that pushed me over that edge I’ve been teetering on for weeks.  My panic sent me into the spiral…

It even has a name:  Buyer’s Remorse

It’s the freak-out many of us have just before or after making a big purchase.  You know, like when they spell out how much you’ll actually pay in interest over the course of a loan or when you learn how much a new car depreciates in value as you drive it off the lot.

That night, I found myself in a puddle on the cold marble of our hotel bathroom floor, sobbing quietly into a phone with a friend I could trust.  I hate this day.  And my puffy eyes will wear the shame of it for another week.

BUT, as those repressed tears finally flowed, the Father began speaking knew truth to my heart, “In your fear of the unknown, you’re feeling the effects of buyer’s remorse, but I’m not.  Remember when I paid the highest price for YOU?  I never had a regret – not before, during, or after the closing scheduled on that cross.  That purchase means you belong to me, and, be reminded, I take care of what’s mine.”

And the world that was spinning out of control all around me suddenly came back into focus.

We talk so often about how Christ “paid the ultimate price.” With such a large sacrifice, however, often the only way we can cope with the concept is by putting into a box.  It’s the “THIS IS GRACE” box — a box that I don’t understand, so I’m going to pretend it’s not such a big deal.

Yet God’s grace is active in our lives all the time.  And you know what He did for me this week?  He miraculously solved wire transfers.  We now own a home in Pittsburgh!  Seven simple words that carry with them a detailed decade of hopes and dreams coming true.

And everyday–TRULY, EVERY SINGLE DAY–there is the impact of God’s grace in our lives.  The steep price He paid so we could have life eternal in Him is the bottom line.

But it’s not “just” that.  His grace covers the fine details.  God cares about all the things we care about.  Miracles can come in the form of bank transfers when that’s what we need.  And His grace applies to your life in every way you need His help right now.

“He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins.”  Ephesians 1:7 (NLT)

Leaning into Him is the way we’re supposed to live this life.  His grace is forgiveness.  It’s relationship, it’s access, it’s the details.  And, amazingly, it’s never going to end.  God doesn’t have buyer’s remorse for you.  So dust off the grace box and start opening the gifts.